


I Didn't Do It Right (Can I Try Again?)

by hidingoutbackstage



Series: Destiny's Childhood Friends AU [2]
Category: No Straight Roads (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Good-byes, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Rated T for swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27952256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidingoutbackstage/pseuds/hidingoutbackstage
Summary: Jay's leaving for military school, and it's time to say good-bye.(And I know I've kissed you before, but...)
Relationships: Neon J./DJ Subatomic Supernova
Series: Destiny's Childhood Friends AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2047028
Comments: 11
Kudos: 59





	I Didn't Do It Right (Can I Try Again?)

**Author's Note:**

> What's this? Two fics in one day? Fuck yeah! Anyways stan Childhood Friends AU for clear skin

Jay hated good-byes. Always had. Good-byes had a sense of finality he wasn’t comfortable with, an aura of sadness he never really got used to. But of course, they were inevitable. Even right now. Especially right now.

“Oh, don’t you look so grown up?” his mother gushes, messing with his hair for the umpteenth time today.

“Thanks,” Jay says, trying to move away from her grabby hands. “Honestly, ma, my hair’s fine.”

“Okay, you’re right, sweetheart. It looks good.” Jay sighs in relief. “Good enough for just one more picture?”

“Mom, we’ve taken five already.”

“Just one more.”

Sometimes, though, good-byes couldn’t come fast enough.

Jay stood at the bus stop with a small crowd of other people. Mostly random people he didn’t know, plenty of adults, a few other kids his age that were also off to the same school saying good-byes to their parents. He thought he recognized one kid from his high school, but he wasn’t sure. Aidan? Amar? Something like that.

Jay’s parents had come to see him off, which was nice. Secretly, he was pretty sure they only did this for peer approval. Seeing their son leave was what they were expected to do, otherwise they probably would have just said “bye!” as he left the house and reminded him to check his bag to make sure he had his belongings. But here they are now, dressed nicely, catching a few looks from community members, and it’s all Jay can do to not roll his eyes.

“Did you have any friends who were coming to say farewell?” his father asks him, glancing around the crowd of people, pretty much everywhere except his own son.

“Nah, we mostly said all of our good-byes at graduation.” He pauses and waits for the relief to show on his dad’s face before adding, “Oh, except Nova. He said he’d be here.” The man’s smile froze and tightened into more of a straight line, but other than that his expression was solid steel.

His parents didn’t have anything against Nova or his family. Quite the opposite, really, the two boys got along well, and their parents had a surprisingly solid relationship between them. But Jay knew his own father’s issues lied with how close the boys’ friendship was, how, out of all the people in the world, Jay had chosen _Nova_ as his best friend. A social outcast, and a middle class one at that. But because of Nova’s brilliance, the traditional man let it slide. And Jay had taken a personal vow to never let any of that information be apparent to his friend.

“Well, let’s hope he shows soon. The bus should be arriving shortly.” Jay rolls his eyes and scans the crowd for the expected individual. A deep sense of worry settles in his gut, that Nova might be late, that he might not even show, that he-

“Nova!” Jay calls excitedly as his gaze falls on the tall helmeted figure walking up to the bus stop. He glances back at his parents, who put on their most obvious-well, obvious to Jay, at least-presenting smiles.

Nova approaches Jay and gives him a side hug. “Hey, soldier!” he says brightly. “Good to see you.”

“Good to see you too, genius,” Jay responds. He looks around and concludes that Nova came here by himself. “Just you, huh?”

Nova huffs. “Yeah, my parents couldn’t make it.”

“Really? Damn. Those two are like in-laws to me.”

“For what it’s worth, they said that they’re happy for you and wish you well.”

Jay smiles; a real, genuine smile. “Thanks, that actually means a lot.”

The sound of a man clearing his throat reminds Jay that, oh yeah, he has parents who are here. He steps aside to allow them to say hi to his friend. “Wonderful to see you, Nova,” his father says politely, shaking the boy’s hand.

“Likewise.”

“Oh, do give Bulan and Matahari our regards,” his mother coos. Jay also knows that’s being said out of politeness. She could contact Nova’s parents at any time if she wanted, she just chooses not to because she doesn’t care enough.

“Will do,” Nova says kindly. Jay gives Nova a side-eye to see if the boy is aware of the mask the two adults before them were putting on. Nova gives Jay a slight elbow and a small nod. Good. Well, he knows his best friend isn’t an idiot.

“Will you give us a moment, Supernova?” Jay shoots his dad a look but the man responds with a cold stare. “We just want to have a moment alone with our son.”

“Yeah. Sure,” Nova says casually, giving Jay’s shoulder a sympathetic squeeze before he walks away. Jay watches him leave for too long and has to hear his father clear his throat again, much more forcefully this time, before tearing his gaze away.

“We had plenty of moments alone before he arrived,” Jay pointed out, trying not to have too much venom behind the words.

“And we’re having another one now,” the man replies, his words like ice.

“Fine. What’s up?”

The staring contest between the patriarch and his son is interrupted by Jay’s mother producing a small wooden box from the handbag she was holding. “We wanted to give you this,” she says, placing it delicately in Jay’s hand. “Sort of a parting gift.”

He opens it up and finds inside a compass. A small, silver circle of metal, that when the cover flips open shows a delicate yet beautiful compass face. The needle’s wobbly, but it continues to point north as Jay turns it in a complete experimental rotation.

“Wow. Thanks.” It was definitely a cool gift, even though in the back of Jay’s mind he was thinking about all the modern navigational tools, such as sonars, that will probably make this thing outdated in just a few years. “I’ll make sure to use it.”

“It was your grandfather’s, so keep it safe.” Of course it was. “A family heirloom” is just their excuse to give him gifts he doesn’t care about much while not having to buy him anything new.

“Will do,” he promises regardless. His eyes scan over the compass again, and land on the photograph on the open cover. “Hey, is that a picture of grandma?”

“Why yes it is,” his father says proudly. Oh boy, here we go. “It was a common thing for soldiers to do. Carry a picture of their beloved with them, especially in battle, to-”

“-to know what they were fighting for,” Jay finishes.

“Any idea who you might put in there?” his mother asks, and Jay can feel the bear trap clamp down on his ankle. Another way to ask him about girls, of course. Well, Jay wasn’t going to give them any sort of satisfaction.

“Maybe you two?” he says innocently, relishing in the disappointment that flickers over both of their faces.

“Oh, that’s thoughtful, sweetheart. But it’s typical to put in a picture of a woman you care very much about.”

“That’s true. And I guess I don’t have that many pictures of you two on hand.” He doesn’t have any, in fact, but they didn’t ask. Jay looks down at the photo on the cover once more, and a small smile tugs at his lips. “How about Joan?” he suggests softly, and he knows it’s the perfect thing to say. He’s not giving his parents what they want to hear, but since it’s something affectionate about his sister, they can’t exactly object. And they don’t; his mother just stands there fiddling with her handbag while his father sighs, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“That’s a nice sentiment,” the man mutters, and Jay smiles. Even if not just to defy his parents, it is a sweet thought. He still had that picture of them when they were kids, him in his green jacket with the fluffy hood, her wearing her favorite red dress, both kids wide-eyed and innocent. Yeah. That’s what he’d be fighting for.

“The bus should be arriving, soon,” his mother says. “How about you say some final good-byes?” Her gaze shifts to a point behind him and Jay nods, stuffing the compass into a side pocket on his backpack.

He turns to look at Nova and something inside him shifts.

His friend is stood just a few feet away, glancing around at the other people at the bus stop as if trying to distract himself. It’s nothing special, but for some reason Jay’s taken aback as he sees Nova, really _sees_ him, his heart suddenly pounding and eyes going wide as his mind races for a reason why he feels so nervous simply looking at his best friend of more than ten years.

The thought he’d had on prom night stuck persistently in his head ever since it appeared. He assumed it had happened because they were so close, because Jay wasn’t shy with affection, because Jay had recently had some realizations about his own sexuality and was curious, all of the excuses he could come up with in his mind to somehow justify a desire to kiss his best friend. But in this moment, seeing him there while already full of such nervous and excited energy, he’s finally able to settle on one.

Jay loves Nova.

Of course Jay loves Nova. How could he not? He’s such a caring individual, he’s so smart, thoughtful, brave, creative, sweet, beautiful, sensitive…the two had known each other for the better part of both their lives, and it was like every year Jay found something new to find great about his best friend.

Best friend.

He’s in love with his best friend.

And he can’t wait to tell him.

Jay all but runs the few feet until he’s stood right in front of Nova. His right hand takes Nova’s left almost instinctively, both boys’ fingers, despite the size difference, fitting together perfectly like puzzle pieces. Like they were meant to be together.

“Nova, I’m-” Jay’s voice catches in his throat. He can’t rush into this, just go off on a ramble and end it with some confession of love. No, if he was going to do this, he had to do it right. Taking a deep breath, his free hand gently holding Nova’s jacket sleeve, Jay looks up to meet Nova’s gaze-

-and immediately registers every single reason he can’t confess.

Reason number one: It’s taken him this long to figure out? This long? He’s probably felt this way about Nova for years, if he had to look back on how these last few years have been. Reason number two: just before he’s about to leave, _now_ is when he realizes? What good would saying something _now_ do either of them? What good would confessing his love for someone he’s not going to see again for years, maybe, worst-case-scenario, ever again do?

And, obviously, the most terrifying overarching thought: what if Nova doesn’t feel the same? Jay blinks as the concept of that reality sinks in. What the fuck was he thinking? He had Nova back home as an anchor, someone he could look forward to seeing again, someone he could always come back to. He can’t risk losing that because of sudden feelings that had been building up for years. Nova had always seemed uncomfortable when people insinuated the two were more than friends. Did the idea of being in a relationship with Jay upset him?

Jay feels his heart sink, and all the excitement he’d felt moments ago vanish.

Of course Nova didn’t see him that way. Why would he? Jay was a kid who’d fucked around with the wrong crowd for most of high school and was relying on the military to help him do something useful with his life. Nova was a star with a heart of gold and an impressive iq who was probably going to go on after college and achieve great things. The last thing he needs is some military boyfriend to weigh him down.

Boyfriend. The word sounds nice.

To keep himself from crying, he lets go of Nova’s hand and instead wraps his arms around him, burying his face into the boy’s soft jacket. Nova immediately reciprocates and it feels nice, to just be held. To forget about his inner turmoil moments before his life changes forever.

“Think I’ll miss you most, scarecrow,” he sighs into Nova’s shoulder. A cheesy movie reference, but one he knows Nova will appreciate all the same. Nova huffs out a small chuckle and gently rubs Jay’s back.

“We’ll see each other again before you know it, Dorothy,” Nova responds, getting a laugh out of both of them. They pull back, holding onto each other at arm’s length. Jay gazes into Nova’s calming blue light that lays beyond his helmet’s visor.

_I think you’re beautiful._

A loud hiss and screech sounds nearby and Jay’s head whips around to see that the bus has arrived. Several people begin to board and Jay feels his chest tighten, the finality of his leave sinking in. He turns back to look at Nova, whose light is more blue than normal. Aw. He’s sad to see Jay go. That shouldn’t hurt as much as it does.

“I’ll see you later, my blue star,” Jay reassures him, giving Nova’s hands a squeeze and flashing him a cool guy smile so he doesn’t fall into temptation and lean in for a kiss. _See you later._ As if they’re just parting for the weekend.

“Don’t forget to write,” Nova reminds him.

“I won’t.”

“Send me cool shit.”

“I promise.”

“Stay safe.”

“No promises there.” Jay finds the words funny but Nova just sighs and holds Jay’s hands tighter, his helmet emitting a beautiful dim glow.

_I still want to kiss you._

He has a few precious seconds left. The bus stop is almost empty and his parents will probably come over here for final good-byes any second now.

Fuck it.

“See you, space cowboy,” Jay whispers as he leans in, one hand on Nova’s shoulder, the other gently cupping the helmet, as he presses a kiss to the visor. It’s just a quick peck, but it has Jay’s heart racing as he pulls back. Nova’s star is so bright Jay worries for a moment if his helmet will explode. It doesn’t, and Nova just stands there dumbfounded.

Jay smiles shyly at him and forces himself to turn and leave, boarding the bus as quickly as possible. He doesn’t even give one last look at his parents as he leaves, and can’t bear one last look at Nova, so he just climbs on and finds a seat away from any windows, staring at the floor of the bus as the vehicle pulls away.

The feeling of his lips against Nova’s helmet lingers for the rest of the trip as he regrets not just coming forth and saying three words before he left.

_I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> _One quick good-bye peck wouldn't hurt..._
> 
> As always, I truly can't thank Destiny for being so supportive of me writing for this au, and for coming up with it in the first place. You rock!
> 
> Also here's their post about Joan (Neon J's twin sister) https://lunasdestiny.tumblr.com/post/633062753617231872/meet-joan-aka-neon-js-long-lost-twin-sister  
> and their post about Bulan and Matahari (DJSS's parents) https://lunasdestiny.tumblr.com/post/631283735920345088/djsss-parents-bulan-and-matahari
> 
> Leave a comment/kudos if that's your thing!


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